Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Expensive Wedding)

Hi, Mr. Jolly

I am engaged to a beautiful woman that I love with all my heart. I would marry her right now if it were possible. Everything seems great except for one thing. She wants to have an expensive wedding. There is nothing wrong with her wanting that at all, but I just don’t have the money for that type of thing. The kind of wedding she wants could cost me thousands of dollars and I just can’t afford it. I don’t want to lose her. What can I do about this?

It is important for marriages to start out with honesty. If she thinks you have that type of money then she needs to know the truth going “into” your marriage. As a musician, I have played for MANY wedding receptions during my musical career, and I have seen some rather “extravagant” ones. I remember playing for one particular reception that featured clowns, jugglers, two bands, ice sculptures and a “hired” bridal party that consisted of women who were dressed like the ones in that old Robert Palmer video. It was crazy. There was so much stuff going on that there was hardly any room for people to move around. First you need to keep in mind that wedding receptions are really “not” for you as a “couple.” You don’t need to have a whole bunch of people witnessing your vows in order to “get married.” It can actually be done with just the 2 of you and a pastor. When you put out money for a lavish wedding you are doing so for the sake of the “other” people who will be in attendance, and that is where your expenses come in. You have to pay for food, entertainment, rent of the establishment and other small factors that combined could result in a “HEFTY” price tag.  You fiance wants your wedding to be special and there is nothing wrong with that, but it is important that as a couple you live within your means and you don’t START OUT in heavy debt. Many couples will divorce over financial problems and you shouldn’t want enter your life of matrimony with that same predicament. There are ways to get around some of these expenses. First, you can do like a lot of couples do, and have your wedding outside in a park type area. This way you won’t have to worry about the expensive cost of securing a venue. You may have to purchase some chairs for sitting out in the park, but that shouldn’t do too much damage to your wallet. The main cost you will incur is the cost of the “reception.” This is where all the partying, food and entertainment take place. The biggest misconception is that the wedding reception has to take place on the very same day as the wedding. You can always have it later if you choose to. As long as your relatives and friends can still eat great food and enjoy great entertainment they don’t care WHAT day you select for it. If you forgo the need for an immediate reception, you might be able to spend more of your money on a suitable vacation retreat for your honeymoon instead. I will bet that if you offered your wife a choice between a great reception or a great honeymoon spot, she would gladly choose the “latter.” If she still wants to have an expensive wedding after you discuss finances with her, then let her know that she will need to wait until this money is at least “saved up.” Weddings should be about “two people deciding to live forever as one.” When you focus more on this concept, then it should be easier to “keep costs down” when planning a beautiful wedding. If you would like to know more ways of having a great wedding without spending a fortune, consult a “wedding planner.” They have experience in just about “all” wedding issues and can help you enjoy a great event without having to stress over it. If your woman “thinks” you are rich then you should by “no means” mislead her. Let her know that you are “limited” financially BEFORE you make your wedding plans. If you lose her over your lack of money then obviously for her it was not about “love.” She needs to know the truth, and so do you. Talk to her immediately, and find out where the both of you “stand.” Remember, the purpose of marriage is to live “happily ever after” and not “heavily under debt.” As always, communication is “key.” Good luck to you, and I sincerely wish you the best, and take heed of this marvelous revelation from our good friend, the Phantom Poet:

My baby wants to get married in a mansion with great scenery and a lavish interior
For our wedding vows she wants to take them while skydiving in to Lake Superior
She wants to invite the mayor, the governor, the army and all that can make it
but baby doesn’t understand that this costs money, and my funds just can’t take it
She has tons of expensive ideas for our wedding but before my money is lost
I need to say, “Damn, baby, that’s nice, but what about the cost?
She says, “I’m worth it and I deserve to get married while still in my prime.
So if you want to marry me, then you’d better work a lot of overtime”
This statement took me for a loop and I now have a lot that I need to consider
If I don’t marry her it feels like she will offer her services to the highest bidder
She said, “Honey, I am worth it” and “Honey, this is no joke”
At that point I had to let her know that “Baby, HONEY is broke”
“In order to have this expensive a wedding, all my assets I would have to sell”
” If you want all this to happen, then maybe you need to get a job as well”
“If you are this expensive now, then maybe I need to get out before it’s too late”
“After all, as long as I have a good video and 5 fingers, I’ll always have a date”
It might not be the same as having a loving feminine touch
but I can get some satisfaction without it having to cost so much
My baby wants an expensive wedding and even though she has that right
I have the right to tell her I’m poor and I am leaving…. “Have a great night…”

“No woman, no cry”… The Phantom Poet


vintage shot of Gerald Levert and Christopher Williams at sound check with Brett Jolly (please forgive the shorts)