Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: Marriage duties)

Dear Brett,





Subject: 50/50 home duties


Why is it that many men think it’s ok to expect the woman in their life to 1. Have a job 2. Raise the kids 3. Clean the house, while they just work that one job. They get the 40-50 hour work week (usually adding golf and games on tv into their week), while us gals get the 168 hour work week. Raising children is a 24/7 job, add 40 hour work week, and cleaning. So where’s the partnership there. The wife will always resent the husband in this dynamic. Yet, it seems more common place now. This may very well contribute to the spike in divorce rates. Guys, carry the burden equally with your partner. Otherwise, it is no partnership……..



I agree that there should ALWAYS be some sort of equality in your marriage (or living arrangements). The only question here is whether the both you share the same definition of “equal”. While you are saying that he only works a 40-50 hour week job he could be saying that those are only hours he puts in for THIS particular job. He “might” say that once he gets home he also has to assume the role of father for the very same kids you have to attend to (It is difficult to imagine him being in the same house and not assuming some sort of “fatherly” role with the kids). He may also say that he is the one who fixes things around the house when they break, or he is the one who mows the lawn and provides the upkeep on the property. For the record, it is difficult to find a relationship that is equally 50/50, because not all obligations will break down that way. Sometimes emergencies come up, such as a plumbing problem, or a flat tire outside. I am not defending your man, because I don’t know the full extent of your circumstances. However, I do know that work roles should be well defined in the house, and if you feel he is not pulling his share then you need to chat with him about it. Also, it sounds as though you think MANY household relationships operate in this same manner (at least that is the impression I am getting from your email). A happy household should be one with well “defined” responsibilities. When the two of you sit down to discuss them, make sure you have a good understanding of what he REALLY brings to the table in your relationship. It would also be a good idea to take in consideration the KIND of job he has to deal with. If he is doing something physically taxing like construction work or something mentally draining like detective work then you shouldn’t just equate that as being “one 40 hour job”. If your man worked the same hours as a tollbooth operator, it should not have the same value if he were working as President of the United States. In other words, don’t place “quantitative” values on “qualitative” measures. When it comes to family values women have a LOT to deal with (and no man should ever second-guess what they bring to the table). Don’t let your circumstances lead you to become one of those divorce statistics. Talk it over and work it out with your man first, then go upstairs and lovingly work on “each other”… You can probably get greatly inspired for the mood by reciting this sensually passionate verse from the Phantom Poet:

When we took our vows, we promised to live life as one


But when it comes to a woman’s workload, it is never done


We raise the kids, work a job and make sure the house is clean


We need more equal work efforts. You know what I mean?


Our jobs increased for us from the moment our kids were born


So now I will gladly present this apron for my husband to adorn


If I can’t finish a chore, then he can help me out by completing it


However, if he cooks something for me, I surely ain’t eating it


I want the workload to be equal, but I am still his wife


I KNOW his talents in the kitchen, so I won’t endanger my life


And when he cleans, he tries his best, but the vacuum cleaner he often breaks


And you should see the big messes in the kitchen that he often makes


And when it comes to raising the kids, he is as irresponsible as he can get


He will tell the kids to drive to the store, but they aren’t out of grade school yet


Yes, as a wife, I do it all, or at least I try to do everything that is asked of me


But now I’m starting to realize that if he works here, it will only be a catastrophe


I appreciate the fact that my husband is willing to work for me


I think I want him to sit down and do something constructive, like watch TV


It may mean more work for me, but when it comes to my home I need to have faith


As long as he is not trying to fix stuff here, I KNOW our home is safe


So when you want more work from your man, you need to realize what might be in store


Because there is a very good chance you just might get what you ask for


You may want more household chores for your husband, and have the old ways abolished


But you may want to think carefully about that, before your home is “demolished”


So when a woman volunteers to do household chores, then a man should always let her


Because I know that anything a man can do, a woman will always do “better”





                            “I am woman, hear me roar…” “prrrrr?” The Phantom Poet


Betty Wright, Vivian Green, and Jaguar Wright in concert with Brett Jolly