Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Where are the good men?”

Mr. Jolly, I would like to know where all the good men are? I am tired of dealing with bums who can’t make  up their minds what they can or can’t do. It seems like each time I date a man he has some kind of issue going on. He is either married or living with someone, doesn’t own a car, doesn’t have his own place or doesn’t make enough money to allow him to incorporate a good woman in his life. A woman wants to feel secure and loved. I don’t need to support a man who has less than I do. What can I do to find Mr. Right for me?

The first thing you need to do is “define” what you consider to be a “good” man. A good man doesn’t “have” to  own a car or make enough money to allow him to incorporate a woman in his life. That won’t necessarily make him “good.” In fact, a man  with a lot of money is more likely to cheat on you because he has the resources to do so. “Do you believe a sanitation worker can be a good man?” They have jobs, and they work hard for a living. They may not have a high status of employment but that doesn’t mean that they are incapable of treating a woman right. Would you ever consider dating a  sanitation  worker if he was determined to be a good man? You see, “finding” a good man may not really be what’s at stake. “Recognizing” a good man when you encounter one might be the real issue. A “rich” man who only “tolerates” you will give you whatever he can “spare” to keep you satisfied. A man who truly loves you (but doesn’t necessarily have the  resources of a wealthy man) will only love you with “everything he has.” If you  determine that the definition of a “good” man should be based on money then you may “never” find true happiness in a relationship. However, if you judge a man according to his “heart” then you might have a better chance of “finding” that “good man.” This doesn’t mean that you should go looking for the poorest man you can find. If a man is between jobs or at least looking, then he has “potential.” It might be worth it to deal with him until he gets  it all together. He might appreciate you even more for sticking with him through the “tough” times. If he is married or living with someone then you shouldn’t be dating him at all, because by doing so you are only “contributing” to his infidelities. Of course, most married men won’t reveal their circumstances to you, but it shouldn’t be difficult to determine. If you have no means or information to contact a man at home, then that man is “married (or shacked up with someone). It is important to be able to look “beyond the surface” when it comes to dating men. Years ago I knew a female friend of mine whose name was “Irene.” Irene was a devout Christian woman who wanted a man in her life. She wanted her man to be “good looking, tall, light skinned and affluent.” She had joined Christian dating sites and never got any responses from men who fit the criteria she was looking for. She did, however, get a response from this man that she had no “appeal” for at all. He was  somewhat short, very dark skinned, not overly attractive and the exact opposite of what she desired. She was cordial to him, but for years she wouldn’t agree to meet him (because she didn’t want to give him any false hopes). Well, one day they actually “met up” and went out on a date. After getting to know him she found that he really wasn’t a bad guy at all. In fact, he treated her really well. Well, as time went on he wore her down and “grew” on her. She realized then that this man was the one for her and they both eventually got married and had a family. The moral of this story is that God knew what she wanted, but HE opted instead to give her what “she needed.” She has said that now she is happy with a great man who makes SURE that she has “everything she needs.” Her blessing came in a form that she didn’t readily “recognize” at first. If you desire a good man, then there ARE good men out there. As with “any” present, the “wrapping” only makes the gift seem “presentable.” No matter how good or bad the wrapping may be, it’s what’s “inside” that counts. I hope I have been of some help today, and thank you for your topic. Have a great day.


Musiq Soulchild and Brett Jolly at PIR Studios


7 thoughts on “Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (Topic: “Where are the good men?”

  1. Ronnie says:

    Truth is just so awesome 🙂

  2. Diana R. Taylor says:

    In viewing your response Mr. Jolly , you have the perfect mind set on what a woman should evaluate when looking for a good man or visaversa in that regard. The secret person of the heart is a capable way to find a capable man or woman. I respect you Mr. Jolly even more from peering in to your wonderful logical advice lol

  3. First, thank you Brett for sharing your personal insight. It is always enlightening and appreciated. Regarding the content of your message, I have to refer to a book I read once entitled “Crazy Time”. It addresses matters that lead to divorce, and life after such a traumatic event. The books touches on what drives us to seek out romantic relationships and when an individual understands the true nature of why we seek them out, one understands that we seek out what we want to see reflected in ourselves; the dynamic of why opposites attract. Over time, the “romantic phase” fades as we find equilibrium within a relationship and it becomes more or less an intimate friendship. I would encourage anyone who is dissatisfied with their romantic life, to allow themselves to let go of the “illusion” of the perfect partner and invest their energy into making friends without attachments. You will come to understand that “having a man” is nice, but not necessary and any love you create with those in your life is truly genuine. Like anything, a relationship/marriage is a partnership and requires work like anything else. Anyone can get married a live a life of relative happiness in a relationship, but a love based in a mutual friendship will endure anything.

  4. chele43 says:

    You know the deal Mr. Jolly!

  5. bagheadkelly says:

    Mr. Jolly I feel that you were way too polite in dealing with this woman who is obviously a shallow gold digger.

    • Baghead, I agree with you, but often I don’t like to beat up on people really bad (even those who often deserve it). She knew she was wrong and I hope that by pointing out to it in a “subtle” manner she will ease into the fact that she is way too “material.” It is amazing how some people think and I try not to let my emotions get caught up in any responses. By the way, I have been wanting to know: “Why do you call yourself “Baghead?” Thanks for reaching out, and I wish the very best to you and your family:-)

      Brett Jolly

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