Brett Jolly’s Daily Thought (From Monday through Friday)

Brett, is the scenario below respectable/acceptable?

One unmarried couple in a three-year relationship
One decides it’s stagnant and quits-putting an end to the relationship, but without discussion

Communication should always be the key in any relationship, and if they only had enough discussions “during” the relationship then maybe it might help them avoid a “discussion-less” breakup. From what you have mentioned there is not enough detail to formulate a definitive answer, but I will say that if during the relationship they meant anything to each other then they should at least have the resolve to talk about why it now has to be ended. Of course, if one of them feels that the relationship is stagnant, then that might possibly mean that they had  discussions about it before.  When something is “stagnant” it basically means that it’s not going “anywhere.” The purpose of most relationships should be to “build” into something more meaningful and fulfilling with time. In other words, your intentions should be to “grow as you go.” Of course, during this process you also should be getting to know your mate better and making your own determination as to how much further you want to take this. Sometimes when learning more things about your mate it can have an adverse effect on the relationship. Three years  seems like enough time where you should have experienced “some” growth but things should not always be based on the “time” element. I always say that couples should wait until they both are “ready” to go the next level (whatever that level may be). If that level of “readiness” never comes then it might be wise to reassess your situation (but at least make sure that you take all factors into consideration). Sometimes when you focus more on the “time” element of things it tends to rush the procedure which could have dire consequences later on. It is important to let your partner know how you feel, but it is also important for HOW you let you partner know. Conversations usually have a better chance of resolution if you can speak without emotion. Often when communication gets emotional then rarely do couples hear each other. Instead it turns into shouting matches that often do more damage than good. After 3 years of being together, I think your mate has a right to know why you want to end it (Unless, of course, there has been any abuse or infidelity in the relationship). Most people can “feel” if their relationship has no chance of getting better, and if it doesn’t feel right to you, then you have the right to move on. However, in order for this scenario to be respectable it is important to offer “respect.” Tell your lover what you feel, and “why” you feel it. If you care about each other at all, then I think you both owe each other at least “that much.” Who knows? in breaking up you might find some new revelation in your mate that “might” save your relationship. You have nothing to lose by discussing it. Good luck and have a “jolly” day.