One of my best friends has feelings for me. He always tries to hold my hand, put his arm around me or hug me. He tells me my hair smells nice and offers me his jacket when I’m cold. Although he hasn’t said it in so many words, he’s made his feelings pretty clear.
Despite all this, I can’t bring myself to reciprocate. He is a great guy, but not the one for me. I love having him as a friend and have been careful not to lead him on. He knows perfectly well that I am interested in someone else. The problem is that he won’t stop doing these things around other people. It’s one thing to hug me when we’re alone, but quite another to try to hold my hand in a group setting, especially when the guy I like is around.
You are by “no” means alone. There are a lot of women going through these same situations with men they are “not” attracted to. In fact, many of these men are their husbands (sorry, I had to throw that in there). You don’t have to worry about leading him on. I’m sure he is perfectly capable of doing that all by himself. Some men can be hard headed (and no, I did not say ALL men). They hear you when you tell them nicely that they can only be friends, but they never seem to “incorporate” the message. Once you finally do get a new man in your life his behavior will probably subside (but there is no guarantee). Until then his behavior may continue to be a problem. You tried being “nice.” Now it is time to use a “stronger approach.” I would suggest you tell him that people are getting the wrong impression whenever he is with you. You need to let him know that his actions are now making you “uncomfortable.” This may hurt him a little, but if you allow his behavior to go “unchecked” then he will always attempt to “block” your chance to get with someone you may really like. I realize that a lot of women “try” to be nice when it comes to “letting men down easy.” It is a sweet thing to do but there are times when you just “have” to be a little more “direct.” This seems like one of those times… Right now this man is still “hoping” to “win you over.” If you don’t stop him now, his actions may possibly get “worse”… It is time to “stop” being Mr. Nice girl…uh, “Ms.” Nice girl? Well, you get the drift. Keep putting your foot down harder and harder each time until you finally have to threaten him with “police” action. A man can only get away with what a woman “allows” him to get away with. You need to stop his engines before he becomes a “runaway’ train. He MUST respect you and he MUST respect your wishes. There is no other alternative. Don’t hold back if you feel you need to take this to the “next” level. Here is the Phantom Poet to end your day:
Even though his special attention towards me never seems to end
I cannot get it through his thick head that he’s only just a friend
He is always codling me and in public he holds my hand
Yet when it comes to me he is NOT in popular demand
I have made it plain to him that I am interested in another
So for him the BEST he can hope for is to be my “close” brother
He might be a really great guy, but he is not the one I want
I keep seeing his image in my mind and it is starting to haunt
How can I get this man to stop being so interested in me?
Maybe I can drool, slur my words and act downright cra-zy
Or maybe I can let him know that this isn’t my real hair
Or I can ask him for a date while scratching myself down there
I can also let him know that I’m related to Jeffrey Dahmer
And I can let him know my lifelong ambition to be a “suicide bomber”
And if those things don’t work I still have many more lies in store
But what do I do if those lies turn him on even more?
So I tried to sit him down one day and said, “Look, I really mean this”
“You may be in love with me, but secretly I have a penis”
“I love your attention and for me it is always invited”
“But when you hold my hand in public I inadvertently “get excited”
“No, this is not some wild crazy publicity stunt”
“Whenever you hold my hand, my dress actually lifts up in the front”
“So if you still want me, then this is the best that we can do”
“You can’t do unto me, but maybe I can do unto YOU”…
“Wow, I never knew he could run that fast”… The Phantom Poet