I have a strange situation that I hope you can help me with.
Me and my friend, (I’ll call her “Jane”) have been friends for about 3-4 years. We are both single women that would like to be in a committed relationship with a man. My friend, about a year ago, had a bad breakup after about 5 years with a man and is VERY anxious to get into another relationship. I try to warn her to give herself time to heal so she doesn’t carry old baggage into a new relationship but she rejects my good advice. Also, my friend is a bit “over-sexed”. A few months ago I met a nice man who I’ve been seeing regularly but now we’re experiencing some challenges that make it difficult for us to spend time together. Jane knows about these challenges and seems sympathetic about how I feel and says that she would like to help. Fast forward: It turns out that Jane somehow got a hold of my phone when I wasn’t aware, found my boyfriend’s phone number and called him trying to “help me out” by telling him how much I miss him. From then on, she has been contacting him regularly (behind my back) trying to get him to go out with her. I found this out one day when my boyfriend asked me, “Hey, what’s up with your girl calling me?” Since he told me that, I’ve noticed for a while now that she always seems so preoccupied and doesn’t call or hang out with me as much – almost like she’s been avoiding me. I spoke to Jane about the distance I’ve noticed between us and that I know about her calling my boyfriend and that I didn’t like it. She denied the “distance” and said that they are “just friends, that’s all”. My boyfriend also says the same thing, “just friends”. I don’t have a good feeling in my gut about this. What do you think I should do? Jane and I are no longer close friends. My boyfriend tries to avoid the subject about Jane when I bring up her name. Do you think he’s got something to hide?
Even though you have no “tangible” proof, I do believe that something is not right here in Wonderland. First, if your girlfriend wanted to help you out by talking to your boyfriend, why did she have to sneak to get his number out of your phone? Why couldn’t she have just asked your permission up front? You see, when people have to sneak then that means they ALREADY know that they are doing wrong. Jane had no intentions of helping you, but she surely had intentions of helping herself to your man. The last thing you need is for your boyfriend to get calls from “oversexed” women on the rebound. The reason Jane avoided you is because she knew what she was doing was not right. The key here is in the “challenges” you are now experiencing in your relationship with your boyfriend. It is quite possible that your friend Jane has “sampled” him in “some” form or other and they both are lying about it. You could put a lot of effort into trying to find out what’s going on behind your back or you could distance yourself from both of them while searching for someone “better.” If your boyfriend really values you like he should, then he will “find” a way to make sure you don’t exit his life. If he doesn’t make the effort, then it won’t matter who else he is dating because he obviously is not “the one” for you. It is better for you to find out about it now rather than down the road. If this relationship is not working out right, don’t waste your time trying to “resuscitate” it. You are much too pretty a woman to have to deal with other people’s drama. The pressure should “not” be on “you” to fix your relationship. If he wants to save it, then put it all on him to do so. His efforts will tell you all you need to know about just how much he cares (and you DON’T have to give him a long time to get his sh#$ together). Good luck to you and I wish the best of holidays to you. We can’t let you go into the holiday without a heartfelt verse from the Phantom Poet:
I thought I had a good friend and her name was Jane
But her deceitful tactics were obviously not so “plain”
She said she was trying to help my relationship, but she showed no tact
And she even tried to get with my boyfriend behind my back
I was sad about this and it was betrayal that I obviously felt
This woman needs to have a “toll booth tunnel” sign hanging from her belt
This woman has issues and she is surely oversexed
When it comes to finding new friends, all I can say is “Next”
I smell something funky and it is starting to disturb
It might be time to kick both their behinds to the curb.
She seems like a liar and right now I don’t believe her
And he really hasn’t’ been on top of his game either
It just might be time for me to go find another
And leave the both of them to eventually cheat on each other
If they both value me, then they will work hard to alleviate all doubt
In the meantime I hope the doorknob doesn’t hit their behinds on the way out
I value a good relationship that is “great” for my mind and health
And if I’m going to do “bad” then I can surely do so… by “myself”
This whole situation has a funky vibe and a disturbing “aura”
So I will alleviate the smell and tell the both of them… “Sayonara”
“Yet ANOTHER amazing masterpiece from the Phantom Poet”
If you have a topic that you would like to feature on my Daily Thought page, just email me at Brettjolly@aol.com or at Skype, username Brettjolly1.Thank you and have a truly “jolly” holiday and weekend.