Mr. Jolly, I have a single female friend and she and I have had a running debate about the phrase “I love you, but I am not in love with you.” It came up again with her telling another friend that she believes there is a big difference between the two.
I have been married for 20 years, and I told her that all love starts out “in” love and gradually becomes a more meaningful and everlasting love. Can you love someone and not be “in” love with them?
Absolutely! I know of couples that love each other so much that they actually “hate” each other (I bet you know some, too). This may sound ludicrous to some of you but people can actually hate each other because they love each other so much. When you’re IN love with someone you cannot control what you feel for him or her internally. When you LOVE someone it is your actions that matter most. For example, if you have a mate that treats you right and does all sorts of nice things for you, then naturally you can love that person. However, just because you LOVE that person doesn’t mean that you are IN love with him or her. Many people get the concept of “love” mixed up with being “IN love” and there IS a distinct difference. Many of you reading this may be experiencing the same issue and might not even know what it is you really feel. It is quite possible that your man doesn’t do the things that you believe will show he loves you. That may very well be true, but just because he doesn’t do those things doesn’t mean that he ISN’T in love with you. People are different so therefore the way people express themselves will ALSO be different. People can start out loving each other but that love can change throughout the course of life. While you’re IN love with someone that is something that hardly ever goes away, even through bad times. When people say, “I love you” they can mean it from the heart, but when you’re IN LOVE that takes it to a much “higher” level… Yes, there IS a difference, and when you can make that distinction your life will be much better for it… Here is the Phantom Poet to help take this argument WAY out of context:
Can you possibly love someone without being IN love?
Have you ever thought about someone you didn’t want to think of?
The question is a good one, and hopefully no one will refute me
Because when you’re asked this question the answer is absolutely
For all the women who have men cheating all around town
These women will still love them, even while beating them down
It’s the love that dooms their men to such a horrible fate
And the woman’s love turns to anger, and then that anger is GREAT!
These women will become emotionally mad, and this is no joke
And while beating them they will still love them through “each and every “stroke”
These women will still have love for their mates even after they’ve sparred
And it is because of that love that the women “hit” their men so hard
“It’s because I love you that I’m beating you, so please be still, Boo”
“It’s because I’m IN love is why I just don’t kill you”
“Love is an emotion, so I cannot control what I internally feel”
“But this love ain’t gonna stop me from whipping your ass, and that’s so real”
“I will ALWAYS love you, and that feeling comes straight from the heart”
“But I DON’T love what you do to me, so I’m ripping your bones apart”
“I’m a woman, so please note that I am very capable of loving you tender”
“After I finish I am still going to supply you with all the band aids I can render”
“When we women love, it comes from within, because to us you are the one”
“So when it comes to all this emotion, just be glad that I don’t own a gun…”
“You need to appreciate this love I have, and I aim to show you how”
“Because if I DID own a gun you would be shot to death by now”
“So it’s because I love you that I am beating you… As your lover you know I can”
“It’s because I’m IN love with you that you’re still alive as my comatose man”
So is loving you the same as BEING in love?? This question needs an answer
When you’re IN love it’s your heart. When you love you’re only a romancer
Just note that I’m IN love with you, and that’s why I’m hitting you with all I’ve got
With each stroke you should say, “She loves me…OW! She loves me NOT!”
I am still a sweet and loving woman even though the beating I’m give you is monstrous
You can tell me how you feel about that later, AFTER you regain conscious…
“Whip it baby, whip it right.Whip it baby. Whip it all night” ZThe Phantom Poet